Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Randomize
