So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
The air was thick with penises
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
