Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
