i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Randomize