I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Randomize
