i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Randomize