R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Randomize
