OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
