I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
