Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Randomize
