I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
