am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Randomize
