stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
My vagina just clenched in fear
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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