Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Randomize
