no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
