My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
