Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
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