i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
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