Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
