I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
