he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
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