as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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