shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
