I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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