ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Randomize