I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize