Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
