I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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