he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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