Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I have already put on my inside pants.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
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