I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
