i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
