Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Randomize
