And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
he just fucked me for my cheese.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
