I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
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