At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
