Have you finally orgasmed yet?
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Redeem this text for a blowjob
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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