I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
