so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
