I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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