I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
