waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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