i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
