Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
