Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
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