Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
