He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
