Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize