How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
