you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
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