My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
