If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
