You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Randomize
