Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
