So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I can't trust your balls anymore.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
