I need help removing her.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
