My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Randomize