areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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