moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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