Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
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