I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Randomize
