worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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