He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Randomize
