I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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