you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
