i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Randomize
