What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Randomize
