around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Randomize
