i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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