If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
