if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
The best revenge is premature balding
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize