dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize