There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
