Can i not drive my cunt home
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
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