fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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