she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
