I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
