If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
love makes seman taste better
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
