I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
