He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
