I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
you inspire me to be a worse person
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Randomize
