There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
