I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
