How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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