Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
