Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Randomize
