no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
