the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
