Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Randomize
